About a year ago, I tried to get health insurance. I'm poor, because the only job I've held for the last 18 months has been as a substitute teacher at my alma mater. Even with the fact that I did not have to pay rent to my parents, because of the irregular hours, I was still making very little money. $400-$500 a month if I was lucky. However, despite being dirt poor, it seemed important to me to try and get health insurance. I knew I wanted to go to graduate school, but if a major medical emergency came up and I was uninsured, I would be forced to declare bankruptcy and my dream of school would never happen.
After entering my information on the internet, I was given a few quotes, most of which were well over $150 a month. I then called the cheapest of these, which would have cost $125 a month and would have only covered one annual visit and $10,000 emergency care.
And then I was rejected because of my weight. I guess my medical history included PCOS, and combined with my weight made me "high risk." Even though I never sought treatment for my PCOS and I'm otherwise in perfect health - great BP, normal blood sugar and cholesterol. Basically, fat people are ineligible for health insurance.
Now I might be in trouble. Six months ago, I did something to one of my teeth that caused blinding pain for about 24 hours, then sort of went away. Or at least wasn't as bad as it had been at first. I started brushing my teeth three times a day and gargling Listerine 3 to 4 times a day, hoping to stop anything from getting worse. Well, it worked for 6 months, but about 48 hours ago the pain became so acute that even Extra Strength Excedrin every 4 hours hasn't done much. Last night I was literally unable to sleep due to the pain (I finally collapsed fora couple of hours around 3 pm).
I now have to use part of my student loan check to see if I can get a root canal on Monday (I refuse to have an extraction done if I can possibly help it) before I leave for Boston. Hopefully I will still be able to pay rent and buy a bed when I'm done. The thing is, though, I will do just about ANYTHING to make the pain go away.
But it would have been nice if I had insurance to cover this.
Has anyone else had the problem of a lack of insurance?
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
A Take on The Essentials
Okay, every woman has those few items that she goes back to every single day, week in and week out, amen. It's so true that pretty much every fashion book out there can even give you the percentages of your closet those items make up: usually between 10% and 20%, depending on the author of the book. I like to call those the essentials, even though most fashionistas out there would disagree with me.
If you've ever Googled "10 wardrobe essentials," you'll usually get the same boring list: Little Black Dress (LBD), black pumps, black suit, white button-down shirt, dark wash jeans, a pair of flats, diamond studs, etc. Honestly, while I own most of this stuff, I find it all EXTREMELY boring. According to all these lists (and there are dozens of them), every woman over the age of 20 should dress in the same manner. Like I said, boring as all get-out.
My essentials, on the other hand, are the things I look and feel good in, the things that make me feel sexy. The clothes that make me...me. And every woman should have a list of essentials, and she should try to make them at least a little different from the woman sitting next to her. Copying is a very high form of flattery, but showing up in the same silver and black number to a cocktail party is just embarrassing. Which is why if you do like to have style icons, you really should have several of them. Please do not copy Jennifer Hudson's look verbatim.
Anyway, these are my essentials, that I use just about every day (or at least every week):
If you've ever Googled "10 wardrobe essentials," you'll usually get the same boring list: Little Black Dress (LBD), black pumps, black suit, white button-down shirt, dark wash jeans, a pair of flats, diamond studs, etc. Honestly, while I own most of this stuff, I find it all EXTREMELY boring. According to all these lists (and there are dozens of them), every woman over the age of 20 should dress in the same manner. Like I said, boring as all get-out.
My essentials, on the other hand, are the things I look and feel good in, the things that make me feel sexy. The clothes that make me...me. And every woman should have a list of essentials, and she should try to make them at least a little different from the woman sitting next to her. Copying is a very high form of flattery, but showing up in the same silver and black number to a cocktail party is just embarrassing. Which is why if you do like to have style icons, you really should have several of them. Please do not copy Jennifer Hudson's look verbatim.
Anyway, these are my essentials, that I use just about every day (or at least every week):
A Take on Blogging in Taiwan
A Blog Post from Taiwan:
November 20, 2008
with very little time left, i'm finding myself reminiscing about how much i've changed and how much i've done since coming to taiwan, and i feel like i haven't written nearly as much as i should have, or given things nearly as much credit as they deserve. i'm so different than i was only ten months ago, and even more different than i was fifteen months ago. and it's weird, because i don't look different, and most of the time, i don't even feel different. but when i talk to people, or i read old diary entries, i know the changes are there. and so i have this film montage running through my head of moments of life in taiwan (most likely set to 90s pop music, but that could change to chinese pop depending on where i'm standing and when):
...sitting in a dark fourth floor classroom at the hess kindy while the government looks for illegal foreign teachers...
...cleaning smoke stains off the wall of my first apartment, and putting together my first few pieces of furniture - a bed, a desk and a metal rack that doubled as a closet...
...playing a silly game with mandy, the tiniest of the kindy lion class, where she tried to touch me with her little socked foot before i 'noticed' and went pouncing after it...
...trying to come up with weird games at the buxiban to keep bored kids interested and discovering that sticky-balls and fake money were the best things ever...
...the moon festival barbecue at lynn's house where i first tried squid-on-a-stick and rice sausage...
...dancing with a drunken martin at glenn and melinda's, and not feeling too sober myself...
...being amazed and amused by the total lack of politcal correctness at my favorite teppenyaaki restaurant - aptly named 'red man teppenyaaki'...
...talking with fourteen year old may during the break at the saturday afternoon focus class...
...listening to and being comforted by the noisiness of taiwanese streets in my first fongyuan apartment - at least, until an ambulance broke the 'city at night' ambiance...
...first discovering that i didn't have to get new markers every time the old ones ran out of ink. i could just unscrew the top and refill them with ink from the little glass bottles...
...discovering that what sounded like ice cream tucks were actually trash trucks, and then learning to avoid that sound (and smell) on my scooter...
...trying to come up with reasonable and simple motions to go with vocabulary words like teacher (miming writing on the board) and school (think 'a' from the 'ymca')...
...wandering around with a group of ten other expats, only two of whom i knew, while trying to flag down three taxis in order to go to a club that i'd never heard of...
...learning to like football while eating fish and chips and playing really bad pool at the londoner...
...driving around the loop road in fongyuan just because driving a scooter was fun...
... being forced to take baths only for the first months because my landlady hadn't yet fixed the shower (only to have nt$13,000 stolen from me when she finally did fix the damn thing)...
...sitting with a group of sixteen other hess trainees while eating bad falafels and good french fries at uzo's...
...apartment hunting and discovering two things: rents were incredibly low for incredibly nice apartments, and nobody had carpet in taiwan...
there are thousands of other memories, and these are just from the first couple of months. i'll post more of them when time permits, because i don't want to forget all of these things that turned me into a grown-up.
November 20, 2008
with very little time left, i'm finding myself reminiscing about how much i've changed and how much i've done since coming to taiwan, and i feel like i haven't written nearly as much as i should have, or given things nearly as much credit as they deserve. i'm so different than i was only ten months ago, and even more different than i was fifteen months ago. and it's weird, because i don't look different, and most of the time, i don't even feel different. but when i talk to people, or i read old diary entries, i know the changes are there. and so i have this film montage running through my head of moments of life in taiwan (most likely set to 90s pop music, but that could change to chinese pop depending on where i'm standing and when):
...sitting in a dark fourth floor classroom at the hess kindy while the government looks for illegal foreign teachers...
...cleaning smoke stains off the wall of my first apartment, and putting together my first few pieces of furniture - a bed, a desk and a metal rack that doubled as a closet...
...playing a silly game with mandy, the tiniest of the kindy lion class, where she tried to touch me with her little socked foot before i 'noticed' and went pouncing after it...
...trying to come up with weird games at the buxiban to keep bored kids interested and discovering that sticky-balls and fake money were the best things ever...
...the moon festival barbecue at lynn's house where i first tried squid-on-a-stick and rice sausage...
...dancing with a drunken martin at glenn and melinda's, and not feeling too sober myself...
...being amazed and amused by the total lack of politcal correctness at my favorite teppenyaaki restaurant - aptly named 'red man teppenyaaki'...
...talking with fourteen year old may during the break at the saturday afternoon focus class...
...listening to and being comforted by the noisiness of taiwanese streets in my first fongyuan apartment - at least, until an ambulance broke the 'city at night' ambiance...
...first discovering that i didn't have to get new markers every time the old ones ran out of ink. i could just unscrew the top and refill them with ink from the little glass bottles...
...discovering that what sounded like ice cream tucks were actually trash trucks, and then learning to avoid that sound (and smell) on my scooter...
...trying to come up with reasonable and simple motions to go with vocabulary words like teacher (miming writing on the board) and school (think 'a' from the 'ymca')...
...wandering around with a group of ten other expats, only two of whom i knew, while trying to flag down three taxis in order to go to a club that i'd never heard of...
...learning to like football while eating fish and chips and playing really bad pool at the londoner...
...driving around the loop road in fongyuan just because driving a scooter was fun...
... being forced to take baths only for the first months because my landlady hadn't yet fixed the shower (only to have nt$13,000 stolen from me when she finally did fix the damn thing)...
...sitting with a group of sixteen other hess trainees while eating bad falafels and good french fries at uzo's...
...apartment hunting and discovering two things: rents were incredibly low for incredibly nice apartments, and nobody had carpet in taiwan...
there are thousands of other memories, and these are just from the first couple of months. i'll post more of them when time permits, because i don't want to forget all of these things that turned me into a grown-up.
Monday, August 2, 2010
A Take on Finding Out I'm Not Alone
A Revelation on July 21, 2008:
so in my monthly search for plus-size clothing on the internet, i came across an article that referenced the pretty pear, which is a blog by a woman who loves clothes, but is definitely not a size 2 (or 6 or even 10), yet still manages to find good stuff on a regular basis. i decided to take a look, because - to be honest - looking at torrid gets a little boring sometimes.
lo and behold, a whole new world had been opened up to me!
there are dozens of women out there who blog about their experiences as fat women...and not once do they remind me to cut back on what i'm eating. because i've been hearing that mantra ever since i turned 12, hit puberty, watched my hair go curly and my stomach extend:
"are you really going to eat all that?"
"do you really need desert?"
"can you really eat all that?"
i've tried dieting, i've listened to my mother and at least 8 different doctors, i've seen therapists. and all it's made me want to do is break down and cry (or end it all, at a couple of points). my chronic depression was spurred on by my weight (and my weight went up whenever i was depressed, only making things worse). i was a size 12 at age 12, a 14 at 14, a 16 at 16, an 18 at 18, and a 20 at 20. so far, i haven't hit a 22 at 22, but there's obviously a pattern, and not really much of a way of stopping it.
and the thing is, other than my rotten caffeine addiction (which i'm trying to kick for other, mostly unrelated reasons), i'm not actually that unhealthy an eater. i love vegetables and i generally don't eat many carbs. granted, my metabolism's shot because i never eat breakfast, but really...
stressing out about food all the time is not entertaining. talking about food when you ENJOY it, that's one thing. but i've been talking about food like it's the devil since i was twelve. and i've seen what it's done to me. i've never been in a serious relationship. and i have difficulty making and maintaining friendships. purely because my self-esteem is way lower than what is necessary to talk to people on a regular basis. and there are reasons for it. yes, i have had people laugh at me and make fun of me because of the way i look. yes, i spent most of my adolescence fighting with my mother because i was fat and she wasn't.
yes, i have lost job opportunities because of the way i look.
in fact, a closeted (now uncloseted) reason for me coming to taiwan was the fact that i knew to get the job, the interview would be over the phone. and they wouldn't see me. when i left the first job, it was difficult to get other employers to take me seriously, not to mention the students.
the high school-aged students in taiwan are the worst for self-esteem.
it took me until i was 20 to accept myself for what i am and to beat the cycle of depression that had been eating me alive since i was 13. i would generally call myself a happy person these days, although i still freeze at fat comments.
but maybe i don't have to. i'm reading these articles, blogs, and online zines, and i'm thinking to myself, maybe i'll be okay. maybe, instead of not getting married because no man wants me, i can not get married because it's a choice. i mean, it didn't help my dating life that immediately after i started accepting myself, i came out to taiwan, where NO white woman can get a date, let alone one who has little experience to begin one (i was about to type "let alone a fat one," and i realized how self-defeating it was to think that way).
and maybe, i can work at a job, and not be constantly judged on my weight instead of my performance.
maybe it's okay to be white, and liberal, and catholic, and fat, and all of those other labels i attach to myself.
it's a rather liberating feeling.
so in my monthly search for plus-size clothing on the internet, i came across an article that referenced the pretty pear, which is a blog by a woman who loves clothes, but is definitely not a size 2 (or 6 or even 10), yet still manages to find good stuff on a regular basis. i decided to take a look, because - to be honest - looking at torrid gets a little boring sometimes.
lo and behold, a whole new world had been opened up to me!
there are dozens of women out there who blog about their experiences as fat women...and not once do they remind me to cut back on what i'm eating. because i've been hearing that mantra ever since i turned 12, hit puberty, watched my hair go curly and my stomach extend:
"are you really going to eat all that?"
"do you really need desert?"
"can you really eat all that?"
i've tried dieting, i've listened to my mother and at least 8 different doctors, i've seen therapists. and all it's made me want to do is break down and cry (or end it all, at a couple of points). my chronic depression was spurred on by my weight (and my weight went up whenever i was depressed, only making things worse). i was a size 12 at age 12, a 14 at 14, a 16 at 16, an 18 at 18, and a 20 at 20. so far, i haven't hit a 22 at 22, but there's obviously a pattern, and not really much of a way of stopping it.
and the thing is, other than my rotten caffeine addiction (which i'm trying to kick for other, mostly unrelated reasons), i'm not actually that unhealthy an eater. i love vegetables and i generally don't eat many carbs. granted, my metabolism's shot because i never eat breakfast, but really...
stressing out about food all the time is not entertaining. talking about food when you ENJOY it, that's one thing. but i've been talking about food like it's the devil since i was twelve. and i've seen what it's done to me. i've never been in a serious relationship. and i have difficulty making and maintaining friendships. purely because my self-esteem is way lower than what is necessary to talk to people on a regular basis. and there are reasons for it. yes, i have had people laugh at me and make fun of me because of the way i look. yes, i spent most of my adolescence fighting with my mother because i was fat and she wasn't.
yes, i have lost job opportunities because of the way i look.
in fact, a closeted (now uncloseted) reason for me coming to taiwan was the fact that i knew to get the job, the interview would be over the phone. and they wouldn't see me. when i left the first job, it was difficult to get other employers to take me seriously, not to mention the students.
the high school-aged students in taiwan are the worst for self-esteem.
it took me until i was 20 to accept myself for what i am and to beat the cycle of depression that had been eating me alive since i was 13. i would generally call myself a happy person these days, although i still freeze at fat comments.
but maybe i don't have to. i'm reading these articles, blogs, and online zines, and i'm thinking to myself, maybe i'll be okay. maybe, instead of not getting married because no man wants me, i can not get married because it's a choice. i mean, it didn't help my dating life that immediately after i started accepting myself, i came out to taiwan, where NO white woman can get a date, let alone one who has little experience to begin one (i was about to type "let alone a fat one," and i realized how self-defeating it was to think that way).
and maybe, i can work at a job, and not be constantly judged on my weight instead of my performance.
maybe it's okay to be white, and liberal, and catholic, and fat, and all of those other labels i attach to myself.
it's a rather liberating feeling.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
A Take on Buying Too Many Clothes
My friends don't get it, my parents don't get it, and most of the people I see on a daily basis don't get it. I have a major yen for awesome clothes. Awesome doesn't mean "meant for my body shape," because nothing looks conventionally "good" on my body shape (which is rather like a very voluptuous pear), and it doesn't mean it just fits well, because Lord knows, something can fit "well" and still look awful halfway through the day. What I mean by awesome are clothes that come in interesting fabrics like chiffon, silk and velvet, and clothes that are fun to look at, with ruffles and lace and sequins. Of course, reading this, you'd think I like to dress like a Vegas showgirl.
I'm going online tomorrow (to One Stop Plus, which actually isn't that great for clothes if you're under 50. I really had to dig to find the good stuff) to buy about $200 worth of awesome clothes. Among my purchases will be:
2. A white poet's blouse with ruffles all down the front and bell shaped sleeves
3. A pair of sea blue patent loafers (shoes that are easy to slip on an off at the airport but in a fun color that doesn't scream "I'm only wearing these to get through airport security!")
4. A cropped black double-breasted vest
5. Two pairs of skinny slacks with stud detailing - one pair in black and another in grey
6. A black cardigan coat because I'm moving to Boston and I know I'll want it for fall and under my coats in winter
7. A textured grey boyfriend blazer with rolled 3/4 sleeves
8. A light-weight white "motorcycle" jacket with an asymmetrical zipper
9. A few other tops in cool fabrics or with interesting detailing that'll look fabulous under vests or blazers
The thing is, I've learned to wait for clearance sales, and I've learned to shop online. One website, Plus Size Now, keeps track of many of the promotions at most of the online plus-size retailers. Which is great, because as a student I really can't afford to spend $50 on anything. Actually, going over $25 for an item is usually pushing it. But I'm about to get $275 worth of clothing for $200, because a website told me a code. It feels like I'm "in the know" or something, which is stupid, because anyone can access this information.
My problem is, for so long, as a teenager and in college, I either didn't have access to plus sized clothes or had no knowledge about how to dress well with a plus-sized frame. And so I dressed like a total frump in weird hand-me-downs from God-knows where. Then I moved to Taiwan where there was only one store that sold ANYTHING in my size, and that stuff was so awful looking that...well, let's just say none of it survived my first closet-purge once I was back in California. So now when I find fun clothes that don't make look like I'm in the 40+ age bracket, I buy way too many, even after savings. I mean, I spent $40 at Torrid yesterday on two mini-skirts and a vest even though I didn't mean to, just because they were having a 50% off clearance sale at my local mall. (Luckily I had my $50 rebate card from AT&T that finally arrived, so it felt like I was spending free money. Actually it was money I had spent in April on replacing my cell phone, but whatever. It feels like free money.)
I MOVE IN A WEEK!!! I'm going to have to transport all this stuff (and pay excess baggage fees) to Boston on August 10th. And yet, I can't bring myself to care, because I'm going to look amazing pairing that poet's blouse with a vest and my new oxford boots and grey corduroy mini-skirt from Torrid.
I'm going online tomorrow (to One Stop Plus, which actually isn't that great for clothes if you're under 50. I really had to dig to find the good stuff) to buy about $200 worth of awesome clothes. Among my purchases will be:
2. A white poet's blouse with ruffles all down the front and bell shaped sleeves
3. A pair of sea blue patent loafers (shoes that are easy to slip on an off at the airport but in a fun color that doesn't scream "I'm only wearing these to get through airport security!")
4. A cropped black double-breasted vest
5. Two pairs of skinny slacks with stud detailing - one pair in black and another in grey
6. A black cardigan coat because I'm moving to Boston and I know I'll want it for fall and under my coats in winter
7. A textured grey boyfriend blazer with rolled 3/4 sleeves
8. A light-weight white "motorcycle" jacket with an asymmetrical zipper
9. A few other tops in cool fabrics or with interesting detailing that'll look fabulous under vests or blazers
The thing is, I've learned to wait for clearance sales, and I've learned to shop online. One website, Plus Size Now, keeps track of many of the promotions at most of the online plus-size retailers. Which is great, because as a student I really can't afford to spend $50 on anything. Actually, going over $25 for an item is usually pushing it. But I'm about to get $275 worth of clothing for $200, because a website told me a code. It feels like I'm "in the know" or something, which is stupid, because anyone can access this information.
My problem is, for so long, as a teenager and in college, I either didn't have access to plus sized clothes or had no knowledge about how to dress well with a plus-sized frame. And so I dressed like a total frump in weird hand-me-downs from God-knows where. Then I moved to Taiwan where there was only one store that sold ANYTHING in my size, and that stuff was so awful looking that...well, let's just say none of it survived my first closet-purge once I was back in California. So now when I find fun clothes that don't make look like I'm in the 40+ age bracket, I buy way too many, even after savings. I mean, I spent $40 at Torrid yesterday on two mini-skirts and a vest even though I didn't mean to, just because they were having a 50% off clearance sale at my local mall. (Luckily I had my $50 rebate card from AT&T that finally arrived, so it felt like I was spending free money. Actually it was money I had spent in April on replacing my cell phone, but whatever. It feels like free money.)I MOVE IN A WEEK!!! I'm going to have to transport all this stuff (and pay excess baggage fees) to Boston on August 10th. And yet, I can't bring myself to care, because I'm going to look amazing pairing that poet's blouse with a vest and my new oxford boots and grey corduroy mini-skirt from Torrid.
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